Potato Girl
by Djinn Slashfen
Summary: *winces* Unfortunate title. This is a songfic... and that was the title of the song. 2xH from Trowa's POV.


Potato Girl  ****

Potato Girl   
By Madd Mythe Maven

Hihi!! This is something interesting. It's a 2xH fic from the POV of Trowa (yes, TROWA!! ^__^) who is jealous of what Duo has and maybe even thinks he doesn't deserve Hilde.

*~*~*

If there is one thing that war has taught me, it is that there are no constants in the universe. The things we think MUST be constant are no more permanent than a drop of water in an ocean.

Stars, for example. People take comfort in the stars because they are bright and cheerful and they are always there. But in fact most of the stars aren't there in the first place. For the most part they died hundreds of thousands of years ago, and yet are so impossibly far from us that we haven't the slightest clue to their true fate.

'Well it's the illusion of permanence.' You might say. 'People often take comfort in illusions.'

Well that's stupid. Why would you take comfort in illusions? Why would you want to lie to yourself for a momentary feeling of peace?

__

//We live, we die   
I don't know the reasons we ask why//

I suppose I might come off as cold. I think it's easier to be a bit cold and distant, because I do not feel, like some of my allies, as if I am driven by some sort of all-consuming lust for revenge. Violence begets violence, we ourselves are the ultimate proof of that, and in a greater way, hatred begets hatred.

__

//We hate, we push//

Well, if others see me as distant and secluded, then so be it, because I have no intention of changing simply because it would make others feel as if they knew me better, when in fact that wouldn't know ME at all. 

__

//Recent tests show we are all misunderstood//

I suppose there are some rare people that I might, in a moment of tenderness brought about by camaraderie or a near escape from death, reveal a bit of myself too. Quatre is one, though I think he has that same basic effect on everyone, not just me. I suppose that the other is Catherine, and that is only because she tends to never stop asking until I answer. I both hate and love her for that. Sometimes, for brief seconds, I wonder what it would be like to be that happy, that carefree, and then I realize that I would then cease to be myself.

I wonder if that would be a bad thing.

__

//Something's seizing   
You know you lost your mind//

So I suppose that Catherine was my savior. After so long alone and wandering, she willingly gave me a place to belong, and even when I left it, it was still there for me when I got back.

I'd never know what it was like to be missed. I hadn't imagined that It would feel so warm.

But I am not the only one to be saved. Heero, more or less, has Relena, though to this day I still believe he will deny that. It was hard for him to care for her, it is even harder for him to admit that he does. But from the front he puts on you'd think that everyone didn't already know. And of course, we all do. Just the way he says her name reveals it all.

__

//You know we all need saving//

But he - he got lucky. He and the others. I got a sister. I do not complain, gods no. I love Catherine in more ways than my taciturn personality can reveal.

But they - Heero, Duo, Quatre, though god only knows about Wufei - that found something more than family. Something almost Sophoclean in the romance of it's notion. They had found their other half, their proverbial 'better halves'. Although I think in the case of Duo even I realized it before he did.

He lives with her, that should be the end of it but it isn't. They are partners in a business, selling scrap metal doubtlessly obtained in a less than savory manner if I know Duo, and I believe that I do. But it is times when he is here, at the Preventers, that I actually have the opportunity to see for my own eyes what is between them. Things that they themselves might, and likely do, easily overlook.

She comes in, no reason a lot of the time, just stupid little bus work that could easily wait. She does it to see him. I wonder if either of them know that, or if they both believe the lies she gives, bringing things for signatures that she won't even send out for three more weeks.

__

//She found you late last night// 

I wonder if it is because I have never felt this way before or if it is simply because of who I am, that no one notices the way I act around her.

Even now my eyes follow her across the room with a will of their own. I could no sooner turn away than I could stop the earth from spinning. Not that I am complaining, for she is a simply breathtaking view. Better than any vista in any spot in earth or in space. And believe me, I have seen some spectacular views.

I must be stupid or crazy, or maybe both. I wouldn't doubt it after the life I have lead. Because I know from the way she looks at him, the way she smiles at him, that I will never do anything more than look.

__

//You feel the madness gaining _  
You know you just can't win_ _  
You know this//_

It almost makes me wish to escape to space. I'm so sick of this world and that absolute NOTHING that it offers me, the jesting bid for happiness that dances just past the reach of my fingertips. It's all sickeningly ironic. 

__

//But I'm just so tired of waking up on the ground// 

Her name is Hilde. It's not a particularly wonderful or beautiful name, and in that manner I suppose it is misleading, for she is both wonderful and beautiful. And yet her name is one of the very few things I know about her. All that I know I get from him, Duo, and even then I cannot ask too much. How could I explain my interest, realistically, if asked?

She is perfect, and he got there first. So there is little I can do.

__

//I never knew the girl _  
And I never knew the world hurt//_

I suppose that I could do the correct thing, which would be to remove myself from the situation entirely. Just leave, get an assignment in the colonies and GO.

It is better than sitting her and staring at her as she pretends to have a good reason for coming to see him yet again.

__

//We beg, we pray _  
But everything still happens anyway//_

"Hi." It the smile she gives me that completely disarms me. There are people that smile as naturally as they breathe. She is not one of those. When she unleashes her smile it is something like a shooting star - not entirely unusual, yet spectacularly unexpected and gorgeous just the same.

Few people smile like that. 

__

//Something's teasing// 

Even fewer people would ever dream of smiling at ME like that.

But she is not mine, and I merely nod to her friendly greeting, turning away. How I want to simply speak with her, that's all. And yet I know for a fact that I would say too much, for I do not know how to say something without saying everything.

And then there is the fleeting notion that I WOULD like to tell her everything...

__

//Your conscience can't decide// 

Since I show no enthusiasm in engaging her in conversation, she smiles a less dazzling smile and bows as she heads for the elevator. I said nothing. Once again I behaved.

I feel him watching me as I turn, curious of the smile she gave me. He has nothing to worry about. It is so obvious to me that she loves him, and even though I would not call him a close friend, to betray an ally even in the most impersonal way is something I would never do.

And to attempt - and I must say attempt because I know I would not succeed - to take her from him would be a ver personal betrayal indeed.

__

//She stopped your will from caving _  
But left you paranoid//_

I turn to see his eyes on the elevator doors at they close behind her, and something occurs to me.

He feels the same.

I had of course assumed this back in the far recesses of my mind where I need not worry about the fact, but seeing that look in his eyes demands that I pay attention, demands that I acknowledge that he does love her, more than either of them realize. And he stares after he as if the key to existence has departed.

For him, it has, and yet he doesn't fully know it.

__

//You feel the constant straining// 

And suddenly, as if by the will of his gaze alone, the doors slide open once more and that familiar face is revealed.

__

//She reappears divine// 

And she sees the look he gives her, and her hands shake where she clutches some forgotten bag in slim, elegant fingers.

It's unsaid but understood, the words that hang between them.

__

//You noticed// 

"Hilde."

"Duo."

I turn away, because this is something I can never have, so why should I bear witness to something that mocks me so?

I was saved, yet I still feel lost.

__

//But I'm just so tired of waking up all alone// 


End file.
